By Vincenzo Perrella and Dan Osborn

Fremantle Press 2026

Teaching Notes

Reviewed by Sue Wright

Old Bertie by debut authors Vincenzo Perrella and Dan Osborn is ridiculous fun. An absurd tale with an absurd premise threaded together by dreadful puns and slapstick situations which I’m sure Sir Terry Pratchett, renowned creator of Discworld, would have loved.

The story isn’t set on a flat world carried on the backs of four elephants who stand on the star-turtle carapace of the Great A’Tuin, but there is a Giant Squid known as Old Bertie and an isolated island known only as… The Island.

No one on The Island gets past Old Bertie—possibly because no one can swim or go into the water— and 15 year old George Jones, the story’s main protagonist, knows this better than most. Her own beloved Mum was devoured by Old Bertie, leaving George and her cannery manager Dad, Frank, doing their best to manage the shame of being associated with a rule breaker who tested Old Bertie’s patience and appetite.

There are acres of ridiculous rules developed by The Island founder, Hamilton Forbes-Hamilton, and enforced by the Mayor and the island Elders, and George and Frank do their best to be model Islanders. But George finds island-life and the loss of her Mum hard. Her tin can-obsessed father is grief-stricken too, but often leaves George to cope with everything by herself. And, while she is a model-student (a five on The Island scale of 1 -5), George finds herself drawn to looking out across the sea at an unknown island in the distance.

On one expedition to the off-limits Peak to look out through her Mother’s old binoculars, George spies the impossible; a stranger washed up on the beach below. Enter Fernandez, a flamboyant, larger-than-life Sea Captain who changes everything.

George has always wondered whether her Mum was really devoured by Old Bertie or had managed to sail out past his dominion and not been able to get back. For George, the appearance of Fernandez sparks even greater hope that her adventurer Mum is still alive.

Fernandez, of course, is not quite as he seems and George finds herself flailing in the wake of the chaos he creates in her life and across The Island. Mrs Jamieson, a Trunchbull-like teacher, drops George from a 5 to a 1 at school, leaving her to join fellow student and cloud-watcher, Carlos as school cleaner. As she tries to achieve the improbable and level back up to a 5, things only get worse and Perrella and Osborn milk every situation to reveal the absurdity of Island life, ridiculous rules, questionable traditions and what’s involved in navigating beliefs to find truths.

The Island is inhabited by a cast of surreal characters who would fit right in on the fictional island of current comedy-horror series Widow’s Bay, and the authors use such characters well to herd George along, via the cannery, to a final showdown of sorts involving Fernandez, her Dad, the truth and a lot of foliage.

For me, the ending is a little overly long, but I’m guessing that Perrella and Osborn may have just been having too much fun with their beloved characters to let them go easily. They do, however, and while the ending suggests a sequel it’s also quite complete and hopeful.

Old Bertie is for a slightly older audience as schoolyard-level cussing is integral to the tale and many puns (like living at the arse end of Arse End) but it’s not Game of Thrones heavy or targeted at groups or individuals.

Themes include: coming of age; identity; rules and traditions; grief and loss; being true to yourself; and navigating lies, beliefs and power to find truths.

For readers 12+